By Tanja Bencun

I recently attended a support group held by some counsellors and therapists at the Joburg hospital in the 'Smile' ward. They provide a forum for the parents of the children who are going for reconstructive surgery for facial anomalies. Imagine, your child has a facial deformity. You don't have the financial means to get your child the medical attention they need. You need support and you don't know where to turn. You are stressed. But through the Smile Foundation comes new hope. This NGO provides children with free surgery and counselling and now counsellors have taken this service forward and are giving mothers a chance to open up and have the support of others. I spent some time with some of the women behind this monthly support initiative to get a sense of the women behind the healer.

The head of psychological and trauma services at Smile Marilyn Davis-Shulman opened up about how she has been touched by these women who come to this group, people she says are not afraid of living. "We needed to address the trauma needs of the children so we developed a programme where we prepare the child for surgery and we prepare the caregivers for surgery because we found that optimum healing takes place when people know what to expect.

"And because our patients are mostly from disadvantaged and vulnerable backgrounds we decided to take it one step further and offer the mothers involved with these children and offer them a support group, which we started in October 2009...It has grown as there is such a need for these mothers to have support in dark times. So this support group was a natural progression.

"When we started the group I brought my time and knowledge of trauma but from the time it started it makes me smile, it has become a passion because they are so receptive. They all describe the group context as giving them enormous support...I want it now to grow and for the women to take on some responsibility in their communities and develop something that is uplifting for women.

Opening up

Marilyn has found a change in the support group since it first started, when the women were hesitant to talk. "As it has progressed the parents have started to feel safer and they know they have their own forum where they can bring their issues out. And that in itself has been so uplifting. The women are positive and look forward to the sessions.They are reaching out to each other and that is giving them a sense of i can do this. It is very reassuring and safe and for them there is a point of reference that if they not okay they can reach out instead of holding on to their feelings."

Reflecting on her innate sensitivity of other people's pain, Marilyn sees herself getting more involved with helping children, especially in addressing trauma needs. She never wants to stop working and doing things that are relevant. Of-course helping parents goes hand in hand as this affects the children. She has been very fortunate that her profession has taken her to a realm where she can reach out and cross into communities she would not ordinarily encounter. 

"I think what is important in a job and to stay inspirational is to have a reasonably balanced life and that my family has always provided me with...one has to keep aware of what is important. and while you give 100% to the children we work with, we have to keep ourselves well. if i'm not fine it does not help anybody."

The ripple effect

A junior counsellor at Smile and a helper at the support group, Doreen, 28, is inspired by women like Marilyn and is currently studying social work through Unisa to become more qualified in her role as healer. Thinking back on a time that made her want to get more involved in trauma counselling, "I worked with a child (8) who was attacked by a dog...he was bitten so badly that he lost one of his ears. You could see the child wanted to know what was underneath his bandages, he was so traumatised...I wanted to help so I decided to join a counseling course at parent and child centre to study trauma."

Doreen has also noticed how these groups help the women. "We are trying to tell the parents that this is a medical condition. We try to help them to talk about their situation. Most of them try to hide themselves from others…we try to get them to open up and talk about their issues. You try to explain to them that this can be fixed (their child's deformity), and they are not helpless. I try to get them to understand that point for now.

"Most of the mother's were very depressed when this group started. It took about 3 months for them to start talking. At least now they have trust in us and other group members…they have also now started thinking out of the box, and about what they want to do with their life."

So what started as a support group helping mothers to deal with their children who are physically different has now manifested into these women being more empowered and looking inwardly on how they can live a better life. Going back to school and maybe starting their own business by using their talents are just some of the ideas and ambitions coming out of this group.

Thank-you to these women and all women who knowingly and unknowingly help others and let in some light in dark spaces.

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